Look at Me
by Nori Lover
Summary: Look at me. That is all I want. Just...please...look at me.
1. Chapter 1

Look at Me

This will be in three parts and is a bit AU, but you will understand in the end.

Part I

Sometimes I wish you looked at me like you look at him. You never did. You cared for me. Doted on me. Mothered me. Your eyes gave you away. You loved me, but you didn't trust me. You watched my every move. You questioned my every action. You made me question myself until I just didn't care anymore. Everything I did was questioned and nothing I did was good enough. You pushed and urged me in directions you wanted me to go. You forgot to ask me my opinions. You forgot to ask me what I wanted. You forgot…me. You saw a troublesome brother, but you didn't see me.

You created an image of what you thought I was and stopped really seeing me anymore. Then the dragon came and we ran and mother grew sick from the smoke. We were starving and the baby came early. You cared for mother and our new, baby brother and I was too young to work. It hurt to steal that first purse. I was not sly. I was not dishonest. I did have morals. I wanted to be a good dwarf and I was fast and nimble. Mother was sick. Ori was premature and you had to care of them all and so I did what was needed to do to buy the food and buy the medications. You pointed your finger. You yelled at me. You accused me of always having this side of me. You said if this continued I'd never amount to much, but there were no other monies for food and you never turned away what we needed to survive. The mix messages were confusing and again I gave up trying to understand you. I decided I just didn't care. Mother returned to the stone and we mourned. We were all three too young for all of this.

Over time, I found out how good I was at being sly. I found out how good I was at being dishonest. I found out how easy it was to forget morals. What point was there to be a good dwarf when you were suspected of being a bad one all the time. I wanted you to understand me, but what I really wanted more than anything was to really be seen by you. You never looked. Your eyes were always for Ori and never did I begrudge that, but sometimes I wished you looked at me like you looked at him. You did not.

Time marched on and you accused me of being a bad influence on Ori so I left. You wrote and said I was missed and so I came back. You hated my hair. You hated my manners. You hated my clothes. You hated my ways. You hated my weapons. It felt like you hated me. Ori loved me though. Hugged me tight and saw me. Our baby brother really saw me. The real me. The one that I wish you could see. That was the greatest balm to my spirit that ached so much to be seen.

Things were hard for you in Ered Luin. Work was not plentiful and neither did you make enough for our bills and Ori's apprenticeship. I worked to get the coins that you owed for debts and paid off the rest of the apprenticeship fees. Again, I was the bad influence and so I left. I lost myself then. I became everything you accused me of being and traveled the world. Why not? I was the untrusted one anyway and I'm sure you did not miss me. Why shouldn't I live up to my title? It was not until a knife in the gut that I realized that things had gone too far. I mourned as I lie dying in a village not far from Ered Luin. Now I would never be seen by you or anyone else. To my surprise, when I woke you were there in the healer's wing. You were crying joyful tears. I prayed you finally saw me. I was too weak to speak, but you carried me all the way home and cared for me. I felt like the treasured child again, but again those eyes gave you away. Please look harder. I'm here, Brother.

You put your foot down and told me that my old ways were done as I healed. Confusion swirled through my mind. What else did I have to fall back on? I had become what you decided I would be. I hadn't wanted any of this, but I wouldn't have changed the way any of it had happened. My family would have died and I had no regrets for doing what need to be done. I was no miner, no true blacksmith, no jeweler, no scribe, no…anything. If I wasn't a thief, then what was I? I was so tired of fighting to be seen.

Ori needed you more than I did and your focus shifted back to him once I was well. I was already used to being unseen so the hurt didn't last. I'd try to straighten out for you though and kept to the shadows. No one knew that I began slipping hints to the guards. No one knew that the crime rate dropped because I kept my ears open. One suspected. A guard who gazed at me differently. One of noble blood with two axes and wild looks. I think…I hoped that he saw me, but your nagging never ceased. _You_ didn't see me. You were the one that I wanted to see me the most.

Then Ori signed on for the damn quest and you and I refused to allow him to go alone. The journey was terrible and wonderful and enlightening all in one. We nearly died on several occasions and I realized that several dwarves within our company began to see me. The feeling was vindicating to be seen. I wish you would look too. We won back Erebor and fought together in the Battle of Five Armies. You protected Ori's back, but forgot your own. I stepped in.

You caught me as I fell. You finally saw me. You finally looked at me like you looked at him. That was all I ever wanted. I go to Mahal's Halls happy and at peace. I am no longer Nori the black sheep of the family. I am Nori the brother who loved his family more than himself. I feel your tears on my face. I am at peace, Brother. I go with no regrets. I died with honor and I had you at my side. What more could any dwarf ever ask for? Take care of Ori and remember me as I am now. This is the real me. I love both of you dearly. Goodbye.


	2. Chapter 2

Look at Me

This will be in three parts and is a bit AU, but you will understand in the end.

I own nothing. Poop!

Part II

I remember your birth. You were a lovely babe, but the midwife said that a breach child would never amount to much. I was angry at her words. This was my baby brother. How dare she say such things? However, her words stuck with me. You were clever and got into things a babe should not be able to reach. I realized your mind was always working out details, seeing the whole picture. You were so different from me and I didn't understand that difference. I was too young, too sure that my decisions and actions were right and just. I forgot, or didn't know, to take the time to understand you as you were.

As you aged, I didn't realize how much my trust in you slipped. I cared for you. Doted on you. Mothered you, but looking back on it, I think my eyes gave me away. I loved you, but I didn't trust you. I watched your every move and questioned your every action. I pushed and urged you in directions that I thought would be good for you. I mistook the look in your eyes for rebellion. I saw a troublesome brother, but I didn't see you for who you were. I never asked what you wanted and forgot that you had the right to choose. I regret that now.

I created an image of what I thought you were and stopped really seeing you anymore. Then the dragon came and we ran and mother grew sick from the smoke. We were starving and the baby came early. I cared for mother and our new, baby brother and you were too young to work. You stole a purse. In my eyes you were sly, dishonest, and had acted as if you had no morals. I wanted you to to be a good dwarf and not a fast and nimble thief. However, our mother was sick. Ori was premature and I had to care for them all and could not work to buy the food and buy the medications so you did so on your own. I pointed my finger. I yelled at you. I accused you of always having this side of you. I said if this continued you'd never amount to much, but there were no other monies for food and I couldn't turn away what we needed to survive. I see now that the mix messages were confusing. Mother returned to the stone and we mourned. We were all three too young for all of this.

Over time, I found out how good you were at being sly and dishonest. I found out how easy it was for you to forget morals. I was ashamed that a brother of mine would stoop so low. I wanted you to understand me, but what I really wanted more than anything was for you to do the right thing. I realize now that the "right thing" was not an easy thing to decipher. I forgot to sit down with you so we could understand one another. I blindly continued forward deciding that I had all the answers. I was wrong. My eyes were always for Ori and never did you begrudge that. You loved each of us in your odd way, but I realized too late that your love was not odd in the least.

Time marched on and I accused you of being a bad influence on Ori so you left. Ori grieved for days, months, years. I wrote you to tell you that you were missed and so you came back. I hated your hair. I hated your manners. I hated your clothes. I hated your ways. I hated your weapons. I didn't realize that for you, it felt like I hated you. I never did, Little Brother. I've always loved you. It saddens me to know that it was Ori that saw you clearly while I missed what was so obviously there. Our baby brother really saw you. The real you. The one that I wish I had seen sooner. I was a fool.

Things were hard for us in Ered Luin. Work was not plentiful and neither did I make enough for our bills and Ori's apprenticeship. You worked in your trade to get the coins that I owed for debts and paid off the rest of the apprenticeship fees. Again, I called you the bad influence and so you left. Ori and I lost you for years. You became everything I ever accused you of being and traveled the world. Why not? I had set you up without realizing that I had done so. I missed you so much, but concentrated on Ori who was more like me. He, I trusted. You, I should have, but I was lost in my self-righteous pride.

It was not until a knife in your gut that I realized that things had gone too far. I was called to a village not far from Ered Luin saying my brother was dying. Never had I feared for anything so much. You couldn't die. I watched over you as you shivered in agony and raged with fever as I held your hand and tried to offer comfort. You survived. I had never been so happy to see you wake there in the healer's wing. I cried joyful tears. You were too weak to speak, but I carried you all the way home and cared for you carefully. You were my little brother as you once had been, but again my eyes gave me away. Why didn't I look harder, Brother? You were there all along.

I put my foot down and told you that your old ways were done as you healed. I could see the confusion in your eyes and didn't understand at that time. What else did you have to fall back on? You had become what I had decided you would be. Now I know that you hadn't wanted any of this, but you wouldn't have changed the way any of it had happened. Our family would have died and you had no regrets for doing what needed to be done. You were no miner, no true blacksmith, no jeweler, no scribe, no…anything because you felt lost. If you weren't a thief, then what were you? How could I have been so stupid? You needed me and I wasn't there for you.

I decided that Ori needed me more than you did and my focus shifted back to him once you were well. I hurt you. I never meant to, but I just kept hurting you. You tried to straighten out for me though and kept to the shadows. I didn't know that you began slipping hints to the guards. I didn't know that the crime rate dropped because you kept your ears open. One suspected. A guard who gazed at you differently. I noticed that. I did. He was one of noble blood with two axes and wild looks. His name…Dwalin of the House of In. My nagging on you never ceased. _I_ didn't see you. I was the one that you wanted to see you the most and I failed to look properly.

Then Ori signed on for the damn quest and you and I refused to allow him to go alone. The journey was terrible and wonderful and enlightening all in one. We nearly died on several occasions and I realized that several dwarves within our company began to see you differently. I was too involved in Ori and myself to see what they saw. I wish I had looked too. We won back Erebor and fought together in the Battle of Five Armies. I protected Ori's back, but forgot my own. You stepped in.

I caught you as you fell. I finally saw you. I finally looked at you like I looked at Ori. I was shamed. That was all you had ever wanted. You are no longer Nori the black sheep of the family and had never been that dwarf ever. It was me that forced that title upon you. You are Nori the brother who loved his family more than himself and I was a blind fool that didn't see. My tears hit your face as you blink up at me with such peace in your eyes. You are going to Mahal's Halls with no regrets and I have so many that they are choking me, Brother. You are dying with honor and I have none as Ori and I hold you close. I'll remember you as you are now and have ever really been. This is the real you. I love you dearly. I am proud of the brother and dwarf you have become. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Don't leave us. Stay here and allow me to see you more. Don't say goodbye. Please, Nori. Stay, Little Brother. Stay.


	3. Chapter 3

Look at Me

This will be in three parts and is a bit AU, but you will understand in the end.

I own nothing. Poop!

Part III

I watch as Dori bolts. My oldest brother has always been fast, but he is practically flying now. He's carrying Nori from the battlefield. I follow. Nori's not doing well. He stepped between Dori and an orc. With a broken sword in one hand he thwarted the orc's attack on Dori with a forearm. The vambrace cracked. Our brother bled. He was fast and pushed the orc back. The orc was faster and buried his sword deep into Nori's side. The weapon is of elven make. The beast must have grabbed a new sword from a dying elf. At least the blade did not have poison. Dori drove his sword into the orc and caught our brother as he fell.

We wept as Nori lay certainly dying, but Dori wept harder. He had not been fair to our brother. I knew that. I've known that since I was quite small. Dori hadn't meant to do harm, but he had. Nori hadn't wanted to be a thief, but he had done what was needed. Neither knew how to talk to the other despite the clear love they had for one another. We were losing Nori thanks to lack of communication and understanding. Dori hadn't properly seen Nori for who he really was and now he did, but it was quite possibly way too late. The three Ri brothers were becoming the two. That is not what I wanted. That is not what Dori wanted.

Dori outpaced me. I couldn't keep up. The battle was mostly over. The enemy pushed back and being slaughtered. Dwalin raced up beside me. He had seen Dori's flight and the precious cargo he carried. Together we hurried to the healing tents of Erebor. Dwarven wounded were being tended all about. Oin was shouting out commands. He was tending to Nori. Dori shook where he stood. He was covered in Nori's blood. Another healer tended to my brother's head wound. I carefully cleaned Dori up before another healer noticed my hand. Dori and I were exhausted, battered, but mostly unharmed. We had heard nothing on Nori's condition so far.

Dwalin tried to reassure us. The warrior said that any dwarf that could outfox criminals to keep Ered Luin safe would survive his wounds. Dori started at this and demanded an explanation. I was amazed. Dori was horrified. He had assumed the worst out of Nori when our brother was doing everything he could to do right by us…our family…our people.

"Why didn't I see?" Dori wailed as he sobbed into his hands as Dwalin and I had no words to comfort him, "Why didn't I look harder?"

I held my oldest brother close, but had no answers to his questions. Those questions were only for him to answer. Why _didn't_ Dori see? Did he never notice how hopeful Nori looked when finishing a task that Dori asked him to do? How did he not notice the pleading in Nori's eyes to be seen? Dori never noticed. He never saw. I saw when the hope died in Nori's eyes so many years ago. I saw when he allowed the sadness to creep into his face on rare, unguarded moments. I saw his determination to keep going forward anyway. Nori wasn't perfect, but he always tried so hard to help. He was loyal, trustworthy, and wonderful in my eyes and had long ago proven the same to the company.

Dwalin excused himself to check on the rest of our friends as Dori and I waited to hear about Nori.

"What did you see?" I finally asked as my brother sighed, "When you looked at Nori, what did you see?"

I looked away as Dori blurted his mistakes. He had seen a troublesome brother. He had seen an untrustworthy, dishonest, sneaking, lazy, unethical dwarf. A no good thief. A vile criminal that would suck me down into his shadowy world. I felt rage then. I felt betrayal. I felt sadness.

"Nori is none of those things," Dori moaned shaking where he sat as my rage calmed, "I allowed my opinions to be tainted by superstition. I made the mistake in thinking that my ideas and thoughts were the only right ones. I didn't give Nori a chance from the very beginning. I overlooked his real self and reinvented him in the image I had perceived. I made him suffer. I am a fool."

"You are," I agreed as Dori lowered his head, "But I knew there was more to Nori than you realized and failed to point that out to you. I allowed Nori to suffer too. I am as much to blame. Why didn't I speak up in Nori's behalf?"

Dori denied my words. He pointed out that I had tried to defend Nori on multiple occasions. He rightfully admitted that he had decided that Nori was untrustworthy due to outside influences and not by any real actions that our brother had done as a dwarfling. Nori had lived up to the self-fulfilling prophecy that Dori had developed for our brother. There had been no other choices for Nori. He had stolen to help us live and then lost himself to a world he could not shake. Nori tried to hide his hopeless existence from us by a carefully constructed mask. I had seen through the mask. Dori had not.

Oin came to us with a grim face. Nori lived. Luckily, the sword's thrust had been thwarted by a buckle on Nori's belt and the major organs had been missed, but the wound was deep and at risk for infection. Our brother had lost too much blood and slept deeply in a sleep that he may or may not wake from. Dori rushed to be at Nori's side. The two had matching bandages on their foreheads, but Nori's arm was stitched and in a sling. He was pale and feverish. Dori cried again. He cried over our brother as he stroked Nori's long hair back from his face. Live, Nori. Live so Dori can show you that he was wrong. Live because we can't lose you. We can't.

Thorin, Fili, and Kili did not survive the battle. At least Thorin healed from his madness and apologized to our Bilbo prior to death. We were all devastated, but none as much as the hobbit and Dwalin. Nori slept on. The company members came often to visit. Dori spoke not a word as he held Nori's hand by his pallet. Nori slept on. Dori worked with Oin to change out the bandages on Nori's side and our brother didn't so much as flinch. Tears were shared and well wishes were given. Nori didn't stir, but his fever began to break. Dori broke on the third day.

"Don't leave me," Dori wailed as he hugged Nori tight to his chest while protecting our brother's stab wound, "Don't return to the stone, Little Brother. I need you here with me. I need to show you what a fool I am. I need to apologize to you for the suffering you put up with due to this big, arrogant, fussy, creature that I've become. I never meant to hurt you so. I swear I did not. I see you, Nori. I see you clearly and I love who you are. Forgive me, Brother. Please forgive me."

My own tears ran as Dori begged for our brother to live. Big Brother hadn't meant to harm Nori. The stubborn part of my heart forgave Dori for what he had done and the sense of betrayal dimmed in my mind. Finally, I wrapped around both my brother's as Dori sobbed against Nori's neck. To my amazement, Nori ever so slightly hugged back. Dori gasped as his head snapped up and he and I both watched as Nori's eyes blinked open again.

"Did…did you die too?" Nori whispered as he shuddered.

"You didn't die. Thank Mahal, you didn't die, you stubborn, wonderful creature. Stay still so you don't rip the stitches in your side," Dori whispered back as the tears still fell before he rested his forehead to our brother's, "Nori…oh. Oh! Little Brother, I've missed you so much. I'm so sorry. I see you, Nori. I see you and I am so proud of you. Forgive my ignorance."

There were tears in Nori's eyes as his breathing quivered at hearing words I knew he had yearned to hear for years. I stayed still and didn't intrude as Dori babbled out all of his thoughts and feelings while Nori reached with his good arm and hugged our eldest brother close. Nori's words flowed then and Dori listened. He really listened for the first time in Nori's life. All the misunderstandings and pain ebbed as the two talked out their differences. They forgave one another and I choked at having a truly, whole family for the first time in my life.

Dori and Nori looked up at me then. Dori cradled Nori upright as I moved to hold my second, older brother's hand in mine.

_"_I'm gonna be fine, Ori. Don't worry about me,_"_ Nori stated as I shook.

"I'm so glad," I admitted launching myself at my brothers while still being very gentle with Nori, "I never want to lose either of you."

"Look at me," Nori instructed as I obeyed, "Dori and I aren't going anywhere, Ori."

"Damn straight," Dori snorted pulling both Nori and I very close, "No one touches my family. Not ever again. I see you both and I'll never let you two go."

"Dori, we're grown dwarves," I reminded as Dori grumbled, "Nori and I aren't children. You have to let us go eventually."

"Perhaps," Dori hedged resting his chin on the top of Nori's head, "But not today and not any time soon. You two stay with _me_."

Nori winked at me as he laid against our brother. It felt good to see the twinkle and bright hope in his eyes once more. We remained wrapped around one another just a little bit longer. Even grown, Nori and I drew strength from our oldest brother's sheltering presence.

"We stay with you," I agreed as Dori relaxed a bit, "Nori, I'm so happy to see you awake and…um…Dori, he's asleep."

"I know," Dori hummed as he gently lifted Nori from his pallet, "Cover him with that blanket. Okay. Good. Let's take Nori home. Balin has set up some chambers for us. We'll start over in Erebor. All three of us will live together. It is time to rediscover who each of us really are."

That is what we did and we became a closer family for it. Nori was the Spy Master of Erebor and Dori was the Master of Ceremonies. I became the Head Scribe and was put in charge of the libraries. I tried to go with Balin to retake Moria, but my brothers went berserk. They looked at me with pain-filled eyes and I relinquished my want to go. We were the three Ri brothers and despite arguments and stubborn pride, nothing was going to tear us apart. Look at us. We are happy.

The end.

This story was inspired by a very talented artist by the name of Tenshi-Inverse from DA. The first two parts were inspired from her piece entitled "Savior." The final part was inspired from her piece entitled "Healing Wounds." I love her art and adore the Ri brothers.

I hope you enjoyed this tale. Sorry for the ones that stick to the original plot. I just didn't want Dori and Nori to lose their baby brother which is why I called this an AU story. Thank you for reading.

XOXOX,

Nori Lover


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